And may the sea of greatness press against my willingness to surrender...
I would say I am an ordinary person having an extraordinary experience. At least that is what I thought of myself. I did for many years bury my true spirit somewhere along the line to meet the expectations of society. Don't we all do this? Don't we all try to be ordinary? Maybe ordinary is not a good word. Don't we all try to fit in? Don't we all want to be accepted and respected? What would happen if we stuck out? In my case, I resist my true self for the sake of someone elses love. I would do anything to be loved.
Growing up in Foster Care put me at the mercy of other people for this birth right-to be loved. Being taught in a Catholic school also had its expectations. So life went on and I worked really, really, really hard to fit in. I was a perfectionist and a high achiever when it came to demonstrating that I was an ideal Canadian citizen. I was a dancer, school teacher, house owner, mother, wife and basically a really nice person. I had many friends. I won awards for dancing. I won awards for teaching. My husband loved me and our two boys were well behaved participating in the popular Canadian past time-Hockey. Wow, I turned out pretty good!
Only I wasn't happy. In fact, I was miserable. I felt lost and so the search began. What was it I was looking for? Where would I start? Who was I? Why am I even here? It started quite simply with a prayer. Actually, that is not true. The prayer did not come about that easily. I was at a point in my life where I was wanted to fade away. I did not want to walk this path anymore. My existence was not as wonderful as I was letting on. My husband and I were constantly battling with each other. We lost respect for one another and it was obvious that our relationship had come to an end. I stayed in this situation for a very long time because I just did not want to fail.
To keep myself occupied and in denial I began to study Shamanism. The study of Shamanism fit well with my Aboriginal heritage and my job as an Aboriginal Consultant for my school district. After a year of study, my health began to deteriorate. My doctor was very concerned and asked an important question: "What was going on in my life? Why was my body showing signs of extreme stress?" Soon after this I found out that the Shaman teacher was performing energy vampirism on me. I never heard of such a thing. I was left devastated. I felt so betrayed. Physically, I was very weak. When I pulled myself from her class, her anger became known and I could feel the attacks continue with greater intensity. A few days later, I had a fight with my husband (one of many). I found myself weeping in the bathtub. Suddenly, I could feel my energy draining away and I started to slip under the water. It scared me like nothing before, but I was helpless to what was happening. This is when I began to pray. I remember the prayer. It went something like this: "Dear God, I am at your mercy and I will do anything, anything you ask of me if you just let me live. I will do what ever you want if you just let me live." Within seconds after the prayer my energy started to return. In fact, I was filled with so much power that I felt more alive that day, than I ever had.
This was the beginning of my path back to myself, to serve God. My journey to who Angela is has been nothing short of amazing. It has had many twist and turns and the Spirit World was always there for me when I needed them. They still are. I finally realized that many of my lifes "bumps and bruises" was because I was breaking the patterns of Kharma. My soul wanted to break through! The Universe walked my life through my own Rites of Passage that is clearing the slate.
I now walk in freedom. A path of no fear! I remember all those who came into my life and the experiences that we shared with kindness. It is in forgiveness that we are all set free. Along this path many of my gifts were revealed. Today I am now learning to be my own master. I am strengthing my connection with God and learning what trust and faith really means.
I now know the answer to those questions mentioned earlier. Simply, I am here to love. I am here to love in the way I love to love. For me it is the arts. I love to share God's love through the arts (visual, music, poetry, dance, drama). In hindsight, I recant those words of being ordinary. I don't believe any of us are ordinary. We are all a reflection of God and an extension of God. Truly we are beyond anything imaginable. To date, I let go and let God take over. I am here to do what I love to do and share it with the people that God brings to me. I am truly grateful.
My Biography is simple:
Angela Hall was born from the light of God. She has served God since the beginning of time. Sometimes she thought she was lost and helpless. This is not true, she has always served God, at those times she was simply building a foundation that demonstrates God's hope for everyone. Angela continues to serve God and God has always served her.
In love and with love,
Note: I sign my art work Aguenus. This was the name given to me when I asked the universe, Who Am I? I have since learned that it means water and earth. Therefore, my gift is to bring the reflection of heaven to the earth. My paintings and poetry are a reflection of our Godly essence.
ONE WHO KNOWS
When I asked God, "How Do I Serve You?" This was the vision I recieved.
One Who Knows
Child of God.
Daughter of the Earth.
You have moved silently among us.
Your song is the voice of many.
To hear you sing is to listen to life.
The heartbeat of the people is your rhythmn.
Reaching for heaven,
You allow the earth to pull you near.
Bringing life to stillness and peace to choas,
We are forever changed.
Your sacrafice was to learn among us.
To walk our walk.
To cry our tears.
To hold our joys.
It is through this embrace,
That two worlds are met,
And the power of one,
Is the strength of many.
Aguenus, December 20 2009
REFLECTION ON THIS VISION
This vision was given to me when I ask God how I could serve thee. It has taken many years to understand its significance. I am living it to know it. It is an unfolding truth that is rooted in the sacral wisdom of ancient teachings.
September 2010- June 2013
Angela Hall had the most profound experience of teaching in the Foothills of Alberta, Canada. She was the Primary Teacher for Kisiko Awasis School. The school serves the unique Traditional Cree Camp Community called Mountain Cree. The people of Mountain Cree too have a Vision and a Mission. Removed from the influences of modern society (leaving the reservation) and guided by the Spirit World they carry on the old ways. Angela was honored to be a part of this Sacred Community. She was able to attend powerful ceremonies and study the language. The most memorable experience for her was dancing in the Sundance, June 2012. It was here she received her Cree name.
Angela took the courageous step of selling her home and all of her belongings so she could pursue her dream of opening an Art and Healing Retreat Center. Her old life is now feeding her new life. She is working towards her Masters in Psychotherapy, Spirituality and Art Therapy.
Angela continues to paint and write poetry.
We are never too far behind ourselves,
From who we are...from who we are becoming.
It is our inheritance.
The true work of art is but a shadow of the divine perfection